01
A roast worth reposting
Get a witty, room-specific verdict formatted for sharing—not a generic list of decorating clichés.
AI interior comedy, with useful notes
Your room asked for this roast.
Upload a photo. Crib Critic delivers a sharp, specific roast—and shows you how to fix the crimes against interior design.
Free roast. No decorating vocabulary required.
Sample verdict
“Your rug isn’t anchoring the room. It’s trying to escape it.”
Our no-cringe pledge
What to expect from every critique.
Funny, not cruel
We roast the furniture choices, never the person behind them.
Specific to your space
No recycled “add a plant” advice pretending to be insight.
Private until you share
Your result belongs in your hands before it hits the group chat.
From photo to punchline
Brutal honesty. Surprisingly helpful ending.
Crib Critic turns one room photo into content you want to share and advice you might actually follow.
02
Jokes with a point
Every paid critique pairs the punchline with practical changes you can actually make.
03
See the better version
Upgrade for a redesign mockup and product links that turn the roast into a real room refresh.
Pick your level of intervention
Get roasted free. Redecorate when ready.
Start with the joke. Upgrade only when you want the comeback story.
The Roast
$0per roast
For the curious, the brave, and the group-chat instigators.
- One room photo
- A specific AI-generated roast
- Shareable result card
Full reveal
Roast + Redesign
$9per room
The punchline, the plan, and a visual answer to “okay, but what should I do?”
Everything in The Roast
2–3 practical room fixes
AI redesign mockup
Shoppable product links
Shareable before-and-after
No recurring subscription
Before you expose the couch
Fair questions. Honest answers.
Your blank wall has had it too easy
Put your room on the spot.
One photo in. One painfully accurate roast out. The glow-up is optional.
Roast my room free